The "grass is greener" syndrome: myth or reality?

The other day, while browsing a self-help book in a bookstore, I came across the expression «the grass is greener on the other side», And that stuck in my mind.

The grass is always greener on the other side..

At the time I thought “Yes, well, classic.”. And then actually no. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it sums up very specific moments in life.

There are times when you're not necessarily unhappy where you are... but your brain still starts to look elsewhere.

For no very clear reason.

That moment when your life is okay… but your brain disagrees.

There are periods when, objectively, things are going well.

Not perfect, but it's okay.

And yet, you might find yourself scrolling on your phone or thinking about something else, and saying something like:

“Okay, but elsewhere it must be simpler, right?.”

Without even knowing exactly what “elsewhere"” means.

It could be another city, another country, another job, or even another version of your life.

And what's strange is that it's not a decision. It's just a thought that comes to mind, almost automatically.

What your brain chooses to see (and what it forgets)

I realized something quite specific.

When I think of “elsewhere”, my brain never takes in the full version of reality.

He takes a kind of montage.

For example, a new city becomes:

• nice cafes
• a feeling of renewal
• a more aligned life

But he completely forgets everything else.

The paperwork. Not knowing people. The somewhat empty days. The moments when you have to rebuild everything from scratch.

It's as if the brain is doing a very selective sorting. It keeps the “great potential”", he throws away the rest.

And then he compares that to your real life.

Inevitably, this creates an imbalance.

When does this actually happen to me?

I can see quite clearly the situations in which this syndrome is triggered.

For example, when I'm looking for a job.

I can send an application, then close the computer, and 10 minutes later I think to myself:

“What if I'm not actually looking in the right place?”

Or:
“What if things were faster elsewhere?”

Although I have no proof of that. It's just an impression.

Or when I have just moved to a new place of residence, as I did recently.

There comes a point when you're still settling in, when everything isn't quite in its place yet, and that's when your brain might start to say:

“Yes, but perhaps I would have already found my rhythm elsewhere.”.”

Even though I literally just arrived.

The tricky aspect of this mechanism

What I find interesting (and a little annoying too) is that even when you change something, it doesn't stop.

Your situation changes → at first you are happy or motivated → then it becomes normal → and your brain starts looking elsewhere again.

As if the feeling of “It could be better.” never completely disappeared.

She's just changing her target.

For example, sometimes I look at ads for cities, or jobs, or even completely different projects, and I think to myself:

“It would surely be smoother over there.”

Without even knowing what“fluid"” means exactly in the real life of these places.

And after 5 minutes, I pull myself together a bit and tell myself that I am comparing a real life (mine, with all its concrete aspects) with an idea.

An idea that has no constraints.

So naturally, she wins.

What I gradually understood

I think what I often confuse is not “"Wrong place"” vs “"Good place.".

It's more subtle than that.

It's more of a collection of small things that accumulate:

• a somewhat unclear moment
• mental fatigue
• a lack of immediate reference points
• a period where you haven't yet found your rhythm

And the brain, faced with all this, seeks a simple explanation. A clear cause. Something to point the finger at.

So he translates that into: «"Perhaps the problem stems from where I am."»

It makes sense, in a way. It's even reassuring. Because if the problem originates in the place, then the solution exists. You just have to leave.

Except that it's not.

Because mental fatigue travels with you. So does the lack of direction. And this period of uncertainty needs time to pass, no matter where you are.

What took me a while to accept is that sometimes there is no problem to solve. No place to leave. No urgent decision to make.

It's just a phase.

And the phases pass. Not because we change location. But because time does its thing, we eventually find our bearings, and the confusion dissipates on its own.

And now I can spot it a little better.

I'm not going to lie, it still happens.

But I'm trying to pinpoint the exact moment it starts.

When I start idealizing elsewhere for no concrete reason.

When everything suddenly seems simpler in an imaginary version.

And often, just noticing it kind of ruins the experience.

Not completely. But enough to bring us back to reality.

The “”grass is greener”, Ultimately, it's not a grand, complicated theory.

It's just that very human reflex of thinking that life would be a little easier elsewhere, especially when you're going through some unclear times.

But in reality, elsewhere is not an improved version of life.

It's just another version. With its own easy moments and its own complicated moments.

And I'm still trying to remember that what I see elsewhere... is rarely the whole picture.