The one who discovered that making new friends is a bit like dating

I don't know if we talk about it enough, but making new friends as an adult is clearly dating... but without saying so.

Except there's no official "friendship" app with swipes and little hearts. Well, actually there is... we've found some rather shaky alternatives.

Like those Facebook groups for "friendly meetups," where you end up reading posts like: “Hi, I’m new to the city and looking for girlfriends for brunch and hikes.” 🌸”.

And then you realize that you are... “matcher” socially with strangers on the Internet, but to go for a coffee in broad daylight.

There are also paid organized outings. Like “Bowling night + tapas + new friends”. It's a bit like speed dating, but the responsible adult version where you just don't want to end up alone at home on a Saturday night.

And you arrive there wondering:
“Okay… am I going to make a real friend or just spend 2 hours talking about the weather with someone very polite?”

Because everything is very structured, very nice, very “We are here to meet people.”.

But behind it all, there's exactly the same tension as on a date.

Will it be a match?

The meeting itself already resembles a dating experience.

You present a fairly natural version of yourself… but still a little improved. You laugh a little louder, you ask questions, you try to be interesting without seeming to force it.

Then there's the famous moment of “Shall we have another coffee?”.

Launched with enthusiasm… but without ever taking out the diaries. As if it were forbidden to make things concrete.

And then you do the mental debriefing.

“She was nice, but did we really click?”
“Did I talk too much or not enough?”
“Was the moment when I told my life story too intense, or will it pass?”

Exactly like after a date.

And of course, there are the profiles.

The one who only talks about herself → next.

The one with whom it works really well… but only in a group → social relationship never confirmed.

And sometimes, that famous unexpected match. The person with whom it's smooth, immediate, effortless, without awkward silences. And then you think: okay, this could become a real friend.

But even then, nothing is guaranteed.

Because afterwards… there is silence.

The moment when nobody writes for days, even though everything had gone well.

And you're hesitating between restarting or remaining dignified.

Because making friends as an adult requires a rather particular kind of energy.

You need to put yourself out there a bit, make suggestions, follow up, and not take the silence too personally.

And frankly, it's tiring sometimes.

But when it works… it's even more precious.

Because nothing just fell into place. It was something you had to earn. And it was somewhat deserved too.

So yes, making new friends is a form of dating.

But without the romance.

Without clear rules.

And without any guarantee of a response.

Just meetings, cafes, Facebook groups that are a little desperately optimistic… and sometimes, really beautiful connections that happen unexpectedly.