Is a good lie better than a hurtful truth?
"Better a truth that hurts than a lie that pleases" according to a Berber proverb.
Several studies prove that we lie once or twice a day. Lying helps us get through life at times.
There are all kinds: social lies, lies of politeness, of convention, of comfort, selfish lies, lies of interest, etc.
Here are some examples of common situations that push us to change reality.
We all grow up with the idea that lying is wrong, that we should always tell the truth.
But the question arises: Is all truth good to tell?
Sometimes the truth hurts more than a lie.
You have to know how to adapt your lies according to the context, the state of mind of the person in front of you.
Indeed, when faced with a depressed friend, you are not going to push her down because of her current state, but on the contrary, support her and help her get back up.
When it comes to truth, children are the most seasoned, without filters, without taboos. After all, don't they say, "The truth always comes out of the mouths of babes" ?
They are the first to create, for example, discomfort in the middle of a family meal by exclaiming that Mom told Dad that she found Auntie's haircut ugly...
They don't lie, they repeat the truth, because that's what they were taught, not to lie.
They will learn as they grow to sort out the things that are said and the lies that are told by omission, as we adults do so well.
So why can a good lie avoid a hurtful truth?
Lying to flatter or to avoid hurting someone
- Do you know many husbands who dare to answer their wives in the affirmative when they are asked if they have gained weight? If this dress doesn't make them look too big?
Believe me, if you want to stay alive, gentlemen, continue to lie by omission.
You do it to save yourself trouble, of course, but also to protect your campaign from its complexes without upsetting or hurting it.
- You know many people who dare to say in front of new mothers, considering their newborns as the 8e wonder of the world, showing their photos everywhere, that he is ugly? that he has a big forehead or bulging eyes?
- Or would you tell your boss he has horse breath and not to lean so close to you when he talks to you?
- The famous "it's not you it's me" to end a date or a relationship, in a polite manner, so as not to hurt or anger the person while we think no less of them.
After this expression is overused and has been used to the core, no one is fooled anymore...
- Or the "we call each other/we keep each other informed" often said out of politeness or to avoid hurting someone's feelings after an unsuccessful date. Or after meeting new people in an outdoor activity for example. Applicable to a lot of situations this time.
All these situations buy peace in some cases, and avoid unnecessary pain in others.
So why always have to play on transparency?
Lying by social conventions
- You deal with these types of lies every day. Sometimes more than you think.
Are you really responding to a banal " How are you ? " ,polite, in the negative, by unpacking all your misfortunes?
No, of course, we all answer one " Thanks very much ", "Yes, thank you, I'm fine."
In the same style:
" I adore "
"It's delicious"
" I'm coming " etc
We all lie. Every day. Whether it's big or small lies, and sometimes we don't even realize it anymore, they are such a part of our daily lives.
Lie to get a result
- You use this kind of lies for example in your professional life, even just in job interviews.
You have to sell yourself, put yourself forward. You will necessarily put the package on your qualities, even if you are not as punctual or as perfectionist as you want to make believe. We all do it by adapting to the coveted position
- Or exaggerate your CV to find a job
- In a more " extreme ", falsifying pay slips or employment contracts to find accommodation. In a world where inflation is soaring, with as many rental criteria as ever impossible to meet.
Lying for survival
- Let's take as an example LGBT people who hide who they are at the risk of being persecuted and killed in their countries: Chechnya, Egypt, Ecuador, South Korea etc.
- Or take the case of Anne Frank and her family. In late 1933, they fled Germany to Strasbourg. She and her family hid in the attic of a house to avoid being found by the Nazis. If a Nazi soldier asked you where they were hiding, what would you say?
Do you think that in the name of truth it is acceptable to denounce them? Indeed, this soldier will use the truth to commit a criminal act.
- Finally, a superb fictional example this time of a lie by omission in a cinematic world. In " Life is beautiful ", throughout the film, Roberto Begnini makes his son believe that they are in a game to win a tank. Thus masking all the horrors and tortures of the daily life that surround them in their concentration camp in the middle of the Second World War.
A poetic film which reflects well this good use of lies to protect one's loved ones.
Lying for comfort
- Do not respond to a message or call under the pretext that you have not seen, not had time. The fact of being at a distance allows you to invent any excuse because it is not necessarily always verifiable.
- The excuse of the "I have too much work" remains a must always to avoid saying that we are lazy, do not want to, or have planned something else. Be careful not to play it too much all the same.
Then it remains to define and differentiate the moral lie, even useful, from the unacceptable lies of course (fraud, adultery, perjury etc). We are leaving here the good lies without " consequences " irrevocable.
There are always two schools of thought, those in favor of a good lie to appease morals as we have just seen. And on the contrary, those for whom this can be perceived as an easy choice and betrayed trust.
And so it is better to tell the truth, even if it means softening it.
And you, are you more of a little white lies or sometimes bitter truths person?
