The Challenges of Friendships in Your 30s

Managing friendships in your 30s can be challenging due to the work, family, and personal obligations that come with this time of your life.

Indeed, you may face several common challenges in maintaining them which we will look at and see some tips to preserve them.

LACK OF TIME

Lack of time is one of the most common challenges in your 30s. And it can significantly impact your ability to maintain your friendships. Here are some things to consider about time constraints and how they impact your dating schedule.

• Busy schedules : In their 30s, many people face demanding work schedules, family commitments, and other responsibilities. The pressure to juggle these various obligations can leave little room for social activities, including socializing.

• Coordination of agendas : Coordinating schedules can become a major challenge. Friends may have incompatible schedules, making it difficult to plan regular get-togethers. Availability may be limited, and finding common time slots becomes a complex task.

• Stress and fatigue: The stress associated with busy schedules can lead to physical and emotional fatigue. In this state, it can be difficult for some to find the energy to go out in a daily life already loaded with professional and family commitments.

• Changing professional priorities: Careers often evolve in our 30s, and friends may move for new career opportunities. These geographic changes can add an extra dimension to the challenges of physical distance (a challenge we'll discuss later in the article).

• Need some time for yourself: Individuals in their thirties may also feel the need to dedicate time to individual activities, rest or leisure. This can further reduce the time available for social interactions. Who doesn't dream of their perfect evening that consists of their fluffy pajamas, their sofa and a series to binge-watch? Rather than going out to meet friends at a restaurant or a bar? Not me 🙂 The older we get, the more we often dream of our comfort above all else. And there's nothing wrong with taking some time for yourself from time to time.

GEOGRAPHICAL REMOTE

By the time we reach our 30s, many people may be geographically dispersed due to career choices, migration, or personal circumstances (me in particular!). Physical distance can make it difficult to maintain regular proximity with close friends.

• Time differences: When friends are spread out across time zones, it can be difficult to find convenient times to communicate in real time. Time differences can cause delays in responding to messages and make it difficult to schedule calls or video chats. If I want to chat with my friends in France in the evening, when it’s the middle of the night for them, I know I’ll have to be patient. And wait for them to come back probably the next day. But with time, you get used to it and adapt, like anything.

• Travel costs: Friends who are geographically dispersed may be in regions that require significant travel costs and careful planning. Airfare, accommodation costs, or even on-site expenses can be financial obstacles to seeing each other more frequently. In my case, a return to France every year, year and a half that costs me an arm and a leg each time (but hey, I'm happy to go back to my roots from time to time so I make this compromise).

• Time constraints: Work, family and social commitments can limit the time available for travel. Busy schedules can make it difficult to plan extended visits. Which can lead to extended periods of time without seeing each other in person. Which can lead to a gradual drift apart over time. After all, don’t they say “Out of sight, out of mind” …

• Virtual communication: Although technology makes it easy to communicate these days, it doesn't completely replace physical presence. Online interactions can sometimes lack the spontaneity and intimacy that in-person meetings provide. Your friends may feel a gap in connection due to the emotional distance that virtual can bring. Not to mention the many technical glitches that you may encounter during a call (disconnection, slow internet, audio or video quality issues, frozen image during a video call, etc.)

• Changes in daily life: Friends who are geographically distant can have very different lifestyles. Due to local cultures, weather conditions, or other factors specific to their place of residence. This can sometimes make it difficult to understand each other's daily realities. Which can create a certain gap over time. For example, often when I read the testimony of expats who have ended up returning to their country to resettle, I perceive it clearly. These people often come face to face with this gap between the mentalities and open-mindedness of their friends and family. Often communication has become very difficult and they have difficulty understanding each other.

CHANGING PRIORITIES

Priorities change over time, whether due to work, family or other commitments, which can create gaps in relationships.

• Professional developments : In their thirties, friends may experience career changes: promotions, changes in sector, career changes or even very busy periods professionally to name a few. These changes can change priorities and the time available for social activities.

• Changes in romantic relationships: The 30s are often a time when friends may be facing significant changes in their romantic relationships. Whether through marriage, divorce, the arrival of children, or even breakups, these events can impact the time and energy available for friendships.

• New interests and passions: Individuals may develop new interests and passions in their 30s. These may include hobbies, sports, or social commitments. These new interests can absorb time and attention, sometimes to the detriment of existing friendships.

• Evolution of personal priorities: As friends reach their 30s, their personal priorities may shift. What was important in their 20s may take a different place on the priority list as individuals mature and gain new perspectives on life. Look, often friendships that began in college end up falling out of touch as life goes on. And soon, aside from wishing each other happy birthdays on Facebook, interactions have dried up.

• Need to take care of yourself : As individuals age, they may develop a greater need for self-care, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally. This need for self-care is healthy, but may result in adjustments in friendship commitments down the road.

FAMILY COMMITMENTS

Family commitments pose another major challenge to maintaining friendships in your 30s, as many people begin to start families.

• Education of children: The thirties are often a time when friends are raising young children. The attention and time required to care for children, help them with their educational activities and meet their needs can be intensive. This leaves little room for social interactions outside the family sphere.

• Domestic obligations: Domestic tasks related to running a household, such as meal preparation, cleaning, and financial responsibilities, can take up much of friends' time and energy. This can limit their availability for outings or social activities.

• Family activities: Commitments to family activities, such as meetings, outings, and vacations, can take up free time. Friends may find it difficult to balance these commitments with time for social interactions outside the family setting.

• Parental fatigue: Parenting exhaustion can also play a role. Friends may feel tired at the end of the day because of parenting responsibilities. This can make it difficult to participate in social activities in the evening.

PRACTICAL TIPS FOR MAINTAINING THESE FRIENDSHIPS

1. Set Realistic Expectations: Recognize that friendships evolve, but that doesn't necessarily mean their value diminishes.
2. Express Your Needs: Communicate openly with your friends about your friendship needs and expectations, taking into account the realities of your current life. Especially if you feel a distance between you and want to see each other more frequently. Transparency in your friendship interactions is essential.
3. Cultivate Local Friendships: If possible, make friends with local people, which can make it easier to meet in person. Although I understand that, easier said than done, you might say. (Why is it so hard to make friends after 30?)
4. Find Quality Moments: Rather than focusing on quantity, focus on quality time when you are together. Also, I think it is important to understand this notion that the quality of the interaction can sometimes be more significant than the quantity of time spent together. And I know something about it as an expat for more than 6 years (e.g. in France with my friends we do not contact each other much during the year, each one has his own life, his own availability. But every time I come back and we see each other, they are always there for me, host me etc. And we find our relationship where we left it the last time we saw each other, that is to say, intact).
5. Show Compassion and Flexibility: Understand that everyone has their own challenges and obligations. Be flexible if your plans need to be adjusted. And be understanding of friends who may not be as available as you would like,
6. Plan for the long term: Consider longer-term plans, such as vacations together. Or attending important events in your friend's life. This can also show that you're looking to your friendship for the long term.

So yes, friendships as we move into adulthood can be tested by the realities of everyday life. But continuing to invest time and energy in these relationships despite these challenges can lead to lasting and rewarding friendships.

I am living proof of this. My childhood friend and I have been friends for 25 years this year, compared to 21 years with my best friend. And despite life and distance, we try to stay in touch regularly. And we see each other every time I go back home 🙂