Being an expat in times of Covid
To stay or to go back? That is the question.
These last two years have brought their share of challenges, emotional ups and downs and questioning for everyone. Life is no longer the same, no matter what anyone says.
But what about the expat, already isolated from his loved ones by distance?
A mixed expatriation
It should be noted that, in general, a third of French expats are considering returning to their homeland in the long term, according to the Expatriation Observatory. A survey conducted by Banque Transatlantique among 8,000 French people living abroad.
But since the arrival of this virus, the choice to return is justified for many by the loss of a job and income because of this pandemic. Or by those who are reaching the end of their visa and do not ultimately extend. Having difficulty projecting themselves into an uncertain future, the cards having been put back into play.
Living with this Covid may have served as a revelation and led to mixed feelings about his experience. The flavor of expatriation no longer has the same taste.
Not being able to see friends and family for more than 2 years with all these measures has been very hard to bear for the majority of us.
The trips back and forth to France softened the distance until then, allowed people to go and recharge their batteries and rediscover their culture.
A reflection on its status has finally imposed itself on several of us, whether we like it or not.
Feeling like a prisoner in your own country
This pandemic therefore leads us to reconsider our expat plans.
Ask yourself the right questions: where do you see yourself evolving? Do you feel like you are far from your family and friends not by choice but by obligation over the very long term?
Because it's one thing to know that you only go back on average once a year or every two years because you can't afford more. But when you know that you don't even have that option anymore, when the borders have closed, the feeling of being a prisoner of your host country suddenly became scary.
Even more so when you are a globetrotter, used to traveling. Being deprived and stuck in the country is hard to bear when you don't even have many activities to take your mind off things (and even less in the middle of winter when it's -30 outside!)
Expats settled VS new arrivals
That you come to settle in times of pandemic is one thing. You come knowingly. Not knowing the life before in your host country
Everything is new despite the restrictions, and you feel like you are somehow escaping the dreary daily life of your country for a while.
But when you have been settled for a few years, the consequences are not the same. As for those who have stayed living in their country of origin elsewhere. You have created a life for yourself, a daily routine around your expatriation over time (work, apartment, friends, activities). Known a very lively and vibrant city, which made its reputation.
So the shock is harsh when faced with the dead and soulless city that it has become.
Please note that I am not minimizing the feeling of loneliness that this could have been and still can be for new arrivals as well. But seeing a before/after Covid is a shock, especially here, where the measures were drastic for a while...
All the more so when we know that in France, the rules were relaxed and people could see each other. Double standards, all the more difficult to bear.
Our entire life has to be rethought, and this is where we truly become aware of the importance of social life in our daily lives.
Fortunately, having been settled for a few years has allowed us to create a social circle, mainly expats, with whom we help each other, we share our fears, our little joys, our struggles.
Our only social connections in a daily life of teleworking, where the virtual replaces human contact
This teleworking norm for almost 2 years has not helped. A weariness, a forced solitude.
Days that pass and are all the same. Even worse than the old refrain of metro, work, sleep. Because we can no longer even count the journey by public transport that marked at least one break in our day.
For me, it feels at times a bit like being under house arrest like a prisoner deprived of his freedom.
Deprived of social ties
Being cut off from your cocoon in France is one thing. But not even being able to rely on your friends, who are our 2e family here, our family of heart, because of these restrictions, it's too much to take. Even if this pandemic has also allowed, paradoxically, to strengthen ties, to write or call each other more often to get news, in the absence of being able to see each other. But that's not enough.
Then this fear of not being able to return to the country in the event of an emergency is palpable.
What would happen if a family member got sick? Could I go home to see them and come back to Canada without any worries?
Uncertainty about the future
Not to mention the conditions of migration to Quebec. Ultra long, expensive and not easy, which make you reconsider your initial choices to come and try the experience. Or to stay there in the face of this uncertain future. These additional difficulties can darken the picture a little more.
Our immigrant status is constantly coming back to haunt us. We become aware of our status. Always located in between until we become citizens, we are nobody.
We just have the right to pay our taxes and keep quiet.
Long-awaited return to France
Done! 2 years later, we can finally return to France.
As for me, despite the haste and excitement, a little apprehension of returning to the French soil that I knew before the pandemic takes hold of me.
Fear that my country has changed. Of no longer recognizing it after this whole crisis that is far from being behind us, that the gap with those around me is even greater.
And yet, apart from a few changes of signs, renovation of stations etc., everything is intact. I immediately find my bearings, my culture. I feel good, the spontaneity in the interactions with my compatriots comforts me. So seeing family and friends again, let's not talk about it.
(I talk about this in more detail in my article on Expat life: holidays in France )
As much before, each time I returned from France, I told myself to go home to Montreal. But since this pandemic, I no longer have this same reflection when I return. Torn between these two worlds, these two cultures.
I would need a mix of both to live in the dream country, in a utopian world of course. There will always be things that suit us and others less so wherever we go. Everything is never either all white or all black.
Ass between 2 chairs
It's hard to know where we see ourselves, what we really want.
It is one thing to return to France on holiday, as a tourist, than to settle there again.
With always this fear of taking the daily grind full in the face, as soon as the phase of exaltation of the return, of the honeymoon is over. In the same way, when one no longer has this attraction of incessant novelty once fully settled in one's country of expatriation.
And to take the full force of the distance established between us and those who remained. Because this gap is found again and it is quite normal after all. But I imagine how difficult it is to manage on top of all the spheres of one's life to recreate from A to Z.
Here everything has to be done, and in France everything has to be consolidated.
I also personally find myself feeling increasingly guilty about missing many important events. In particular, the wedding of two of the most important people in my life this year, who have been a part of my life for over 20 years.
But that's the game, my poor Lucette. We know that by going on an expat trip, we're going to miss things, that's for sure. Maybe this pandemic is pushing us to want to enjoy and spend as much time as possible with those we care about, to make up for these two years of deprivation, of missing things, of laughter, of dancing until the early hours, of drinking until we can't drink anymore, of going out with friends and so on...
I admit to feeling alone and distant since this pandemic.
I didn't ask myself these questions about distance much before.
We end up asking ourselves the real questions that we were hiding during the first carefree phase of the beginnings of expatriation, in the middle of our honeymoon.
Even if this kind of experience is to be lived in the moment without worrying, ideally, reality ends up imposing itself on us at a given moment.
And the questions continue to come: Do I see myself growing old here? Finally succeeding in making the career I would like? Am I still in tune with what this city has to offer me?
Perhaps the gradual reopening of cinemas, bars, concert halls, etc. will ease this shared state of mind a little. Wait and see...
In the meantime, if you want to form an opinion, get advice, and get feedback on your thoughts on returning to France, there is a Facebook group:
Return to France after an expatriation – Support group
And you, where do you stand today regarding your expatriation?
