Limiting beliefs: these mechanisms that prevent us from moving forward
What exactly are we talking about when we talk about limiting beliefs?
It all starts with a feeling of negativity and fear that keeps you from reaching your full potential.
"I will never succeed" , "I can't do it" , "I'm not enough of that or too much of that" . You all think it at one time or another or on a recurring basis for some.
As Buddha said "We are what we think. With our thoughts we build our world."
Everything you experience has its origin in what you believe whether it is positive or negative.
Let’s discover their origins and their manifestations in our daily lives.
Where do these beliefs come from?
You are not born with these limiting beliefs. They become blinders over time, which you use to look at yourself and the world around you, like filters installed.
Even if some of these beliefs exist to protect yourself, to avoid suffering, like a survival instinct, at certain times in your life, you feel that they can create blockages, or limit you without necessarily being aware of it.
For example : your parents divorced, or you have always seen them in conflict. Your entourage mainly includes separated people
Belief that develops: you can create the fear of building a couple/a family because you associate romantic relationships, Love with a capital A as rhyming with suffering and inevitable separation. And you unconsciously move away from it as a result.
The construction of limiting beliefs is done by:
- Parents or people who raised you
- Teachers/Education
- Friendly environment, society, environment
- The conclusion of lived experiences
- Popular beliefs
How do these beliefs manifest themselves?
A limiting belief can be:
- Tied to self ("I'm useless", "I'm too much...", "I'm not enough...")
- Related to others ("such person doesn't like me")
- A perception of life in general ("success is having money", "all men are unfaithful", "work is suffering")
You believe that what you believe is reality because unconsciously your brain sorts out what it retains.
By repeating them unconsciously, it becomes a certainty.
There are different types of beliefs:
- Despair (whatever you do is in vain, you have no luck etc.)
- Impotence (you don't feel capable)
- Lack of value (imposter, you don't belong)
The famous imposter syndrome that I talk to you about here: What is imposter syndrome? .
Sometimes major electroshocks such as a separation, a bereavement, a dismissal or an illness for example, sometimes suddenly wake you up from these beliefs.
How to try to get rid of it?
1) Identify your limiting beliefs
These limitations appear more in the form of thoughts in general than in words spoken out loud.
You think of it as a given or a generality.
You just have to observe your thoughts, your ideas, your words and identify those that limit you, that say that you are not capable of doing something or that it is not suitable/possible because these are only judgments. They often start with "always" "never" "nobody" "that's how it is" "everyone"
Identify the type of blocking situations that you may experience on a recurring basis, always finding yourself in this or that situation.
Beware of general false beliefs also like: “ Men are always unfaithful ", " work is an ordeal »
With these beliefs, ask yourself questions like:
- Is it good for you?
- Does this match the person you want to be?
- Does this help you create the path you want to take?
2) Finding the Parade – Reformulating Your Thoughts
- While this may seem kitsch at first, adapt your beliefs with more nuanced statements.
For example: "Money is hard to come by » – Change to a more positive belief like “I deserve financial abundance”
And then don't forget that a habit is established in 21 days. If you force yourself a little to reprogram your brain like this, it will come into place more naturally over time.
- Finding an exception/example contrary to his point can help debunk these types of parasitic thoughts as well.
Ex: From " work is an ordeal" has " Some people are fulfilled in their work"
Rephrase in “Work can be a source of fulfillment”
- Also ask yourself “ For what " after each formulation to see how far you can justify this statement may perhaps help to put his basic belief into perspective.
Be careful not to convince yourself of false evidence based on assumptions alone.
I refer you to the magnificent work of Don Miguel Ruiz "The 4 Toltec Agreements", and its 3e agreement : Don't make assumptions.
Basically, never see the glass half empty rather than half full.
3) Identify the first action to achieve feeling capable and no longer limited
Often the blockage is linked to the fact that we do not know where to start.
For example : a person who wants to start their own business and who will say that they know nothing about communication. The idea here is to identify their talent: this person knows how to learn and assimilate new things. So to overcome their belief, the first action will be to follow a short training course in communication.
4) Get out of your comfort zone / Face your fear
Yes it is difficult but essential to abolish one's beliefs as for everything in life in the end. QED
5) Flip the script
Imagine what you would say to someone you love if they shared these types of limiting feelings with you.
Even better, even if you don't like doing it, ask a few people around you to identify your 3 strengths.
I did it as part of the skills assessment I just completed.
I had to interview 4-5 people – I chose members of my family, my best friend and even work colleagues.
Well it did me good to see that my qualities and strengths that emerged were all quite similar and powerful compared to the vision that I could have of myself initially.
Even knowing a little bit about your weaknesses that stand out in others, what you can improve, is super interesting, some things are more noticeable from the outside.
6) Don't give up
Even if sometimes we have moments of low spirits, or moments when we can let ourselves be overwhelmed by emotion, take a few minutes and push back these limiting thoughts that will inevitably come back to hammer your brain.
Get some fresh air, go for a walk, do some sport to let off steam, sometimes just a small action in your day is enough to reverse the trend.
Becoming aware of your limits is already 50% of the journey, so put it into perspective and F*** limiting beliefs 😉
