False Clichés About Expat Life
We are always sold expatriation as a fairy tale: you leave, you discover a new country, and you just have to live your best life. But wait, we are talking about true expatriation, there. It's not always all rosy and, spoiler alert, the clichés you've been told don't correspond to reality at all.
And guess what? I know something about it, I've been living in Quebec for several years. So, ready for a little tour of the preconceived ideas that have been sold to you?
Notice to future PVTs who often have an overly idealized version of their future place of expatriation
“Expatriation is like a permanent vacation.”
Obviously the first cliché and not the least, the image of the expat who lounges all year long on a beach sipping a coconut! Thank you to the influencers who flood our social networks with this unwavering idea
(Yes, it happens of course, but we are talking about a minority here, notably digital nomads)
It sounds great on paper. But here's the reality: At first, it feels like a vacation. You visit, you have fun, you explore… but after a while, you quickly realize that everyday life is also made up of bills, administrative tasks, long work days and moments of solitude. You're not on vacation, you're rebuilding your life elsewhere. Nuance
And I'll kill two birds with one stone with another cliché while I'm at it: no, not all expats are rolling in money.
Some people imagine that expats live like kings, but… sorry to break this myth, we are not all treating ourselves to gourmet restaurants and weekends here and there every morning. In fact, some expats choose destinations where life is more affordable. And spoiler: there are even expats who struggle a little with the budget (especially since inflation has and still hurts everywhere). Yes, it happens!
We work like everyone else to pay our bills and our outings, and taxes don't give us any gifts either, I promise 😉
“You are free to live your life, far from social and family expectations.”
So from an outside perspective yes, but that carries its share of guilt.
Some expats are seen as people "liberated" family and social expectations that they would have experienced if they had remained in their country of origin. But this freedom is often accompanied by guilt. Being away from family during difficult events, or being perceived as " absent " when it comes to family responsibilities, can be a source of internal tension.
Being away from loved ones during important times (hospitalization or death of a parent, major family events) can cause feelings of guilt that are difficult to manage, because you feel like you are not there to support the people you love.
In fact, expat life is a bit like juggling between episodes of “not being able to attend your cousin’s wedding” and “trying to maintain a relationship with your parents via Zoom”. The distance makes you realise how precious every moment you have with them is, but it’s also a challenge to find the balance. And when you finally get to go see them after months, it’s often after spending endless hours on the road to visit them.
“Being an expat means partying all the time”
Yes, life abroad seems like a series of exceptional moments on Instagram, but the reality of expatriation can sometimes be more difficult. You face loneliness, nostalgia, the fatigue of being far from your family and friends, the endless administrative procedures. There is also a form of constant stress of being in an environment that is not yours, with rules and a culture that are not yours. Expatriation is great, but it is also a constant challenge to take on.
“You will never get the blues as an expat”
The blues are always there. Whether you're in Bali or Spain, there are days when you just feel a little lost. You want to go home, see your friends again, or even find a little corner of France that you miss. Expatriation is not just about good times, there are also times when you say to yourself: "What the hell am I doing here?". But don't worry, it's a constant roller coaster of having your ass between two chairs.
“Everything is better there”
This cliché is really persistent: “They have a better health system, a better quality of life…” But every country has its drawbacks and its own challenges. What you don't know is that there too, you will have to navigate through a sometimes archaic bureaucracy, different taxes or rules that make you doubt your choices.
Especially since in many popular destinations, costs increase drastically once you feel "installed". Rent, food, transportation… Eventually, you realize that the idea of a more affordable life is a bit too idealized. In some cities, everything has increased due to the influx of newcomers (and inflation of course) and you end up paying more than in your home country for things that seemed affordable to you.
" You will adapt to the culture and become an integral part of it.”
So, this is perhaps one of the most persistent clichés. Yes, it's great to discover a different country and culture, but “feel at home” from the start, it's an illusion. At first, you'll feel like a tourist, your habits a little lost. And despite your active search for good addresses, there will always be this little gap where you wonder, deep down: “Is this really my home?”
It's normal, and it's even a necessary step. But little by little, you adapt.
So yes, you will integrate, but you will remain yourself. You will always remain a little "the expat" in conversation, the one with a particular accent, who can be a little more spontaneous, and who laughs at small cultural differences. You will always be a little bit of a " stranger " in the soul, even if you found your apartment, your friends, and your routine.
While you may feel like you're well integrated and know all the good places to go, you're still not perceived as a local. You can live in the country for years, speak the language fluently, but you're still a " stranger ". The local culture, its codes and traditions sometimes remain a gap that you can never completely overcome, despite your efforts.
“You will meet people super easily and make friends in 3 days”
In theory yes (if you are open and sociable), but friendships are fleeting.
Expatriation allows you to meet people from all over the world, but the bonds created are sometimes fragile. Other expatriates are often passing through, and seeing your new friends leave over the months, years becomes a habit that is difficult to accept. In addition, integrating local circles of friends can be more complicated than expected depending on the culture of the country. But also depending on your age (we understand that at 40 you don't meet people like at 20, with your group of friends who often come from school)
Making and remaking your circle of friends becomes a constant cycle. You become attached to people who eventually leave, which can lead to emotional fatigue and feelings of loneliness.
"You'll find a job in the blink of an eye"
This dream of going abroad and finding a job immediately can quickly become a nightmare. Local requirements, the language, qualifications… All of this can be a much bigger obstacle than you imagined. You often end up working in an underpaid or even temporary job while you wait to build up a network, sometimes for several months (and don’t forget that often your experience, even if interesting in your home country, is often of no importance in your new country, and you find yourself having to prove yourself again, even if it means starting at the bottom of the ladder).
Not to mention the many diploma equivalences to request depending on the sectors of work that you practiced in your country of origin, which can literally take months or even years to be finalized, preventing you from practicing your basic profession (yes, yes true).
“Accommodation is easy to find and reasonably priced”
In theory, finding a place to put down your suitcases should be easy, right?
But no, you're going to have to do some intensive research on local sites first, prepare yourself to face prices that will make you cry a little. And even once you find it, there's that security deposit thing, the rental agreement to understand, the noisy neighbors to deal with...
Not to mention that as a newcomer, facing other potential tenants for a landlord, you will not be able to compete with them, having no history to show them (for example in Montreal, without a credit history, it is more difficult to be chosen by a landlord)
Also out with this cliché: “You’re finally going to live in incredible places!”
Not always, sometimes it's more like a small apartment of 30m².
We often imagine expat life in a villa by the sea or a spacious loft in the city center. But the reality is that the real estate market in some countries is very expensive, and you can end up in a small or poorly located place, far from where you would like to be.
"Whenever you want, you can come back to France"
Coming back is not as simple as taking a plane.
Returning to France after living abroad for a while is a complex process. What is often forgotten is the phenomenon of "reverse culture shock", which is very real. Returning to one's home country can be even more difficult than leaving: social and family expectations are sometimes heavier, the pace of life different, and even small cultural habits seem to have changed.
Returning to France after a long stay abroad can cause a feeling of being out of step. Things that seemed normal to you abroad sometimes seem strange or destabilizing. This process of adaptation to "return home" can be as challenging as adapting to the culture of a foreign country.
Expatriation is much more than just a trip: it is an experience full of discoveries, challenges and moments that are sometimes less glamorous than we imagine. The clichés are beautiful on paper, but the reality is often found in invisible sacrifices, cultural adjustments and moments of solitude. Expatriation is an adventure made of ups and downs.
So, before you take your big leap, don't forget to look beyond the filters and prepare yourself well for this journey, and above all ask yourself, is the grass greener elsewhere?
