Being friends doesn't always mean being friends for life.

I think you have all had to deal with the loss of a friend who really meant something to you.

Of the upheaval that can result from it, of the questioning and the mourning to be done (yes yes I am talking about mourning, I will come back to that).

Because yes, breakups are not only romantic, they hurt just as much when it comes to friends.

When you were young, at school you quickly got used to hanging out with several people, to having your own little group. But who will still be there when you change schools or leave to study elsewhere?

Quality prevails much before quantity when you are a teenager, a guarantee of your popularity in the eyes of others.

A new beginning, a change can bring about this loss.

Changes and separations will make you lose friendships, that's where you'll see those that are stronger than anything, and that cross borders.

Those who will continue to check in on you despite the time difference. Those friends who, when you see them again after maybe 2 years without having returned home, it's as if you had never left them. And who bend over backwards for you, welcome you and are happy to spend time with you.

And then there are friendships that will fall apart on their own, with distance helping over time.

It's the game of life. Out of sight, out of mind sometimes makes perfect sense.

New acquaintances can also interfere with friendship.

Often you can expect it, the situation prepares you for it. And sometimes it's brutal, you take it like a big slap in the face. You don't see it coming.

Sometimes it comes from you, you no longer find yourself in the relationship. You evolve differently and have difficulty finding common points that will continue to unite your bonds.

The relationship is simply running out of steam. You can't bring anything to each other anymore, so why bother?

Sometimes the discussion can be brought up very gently. And in other cases, on the contrary, it is ghosting (more radical I agree) that takes over. Each to their own.

I personally experienced the ghosting of an important friendship of 4-5 years, met during my first solo trips to Paris. She very quickly became my best friend.

Our friendship was like an obviousness. In a single look we understood each other, it was fluid. To my knowledge I do not remember any big arguments and yet we were different but so complementary.

Freeing oneself from questioning

Suddenly no more news without there having been any words or exchanges leading me down this path.

Like that, a silence that became heavier and heavier as the days passed.

Attempting to text first and then call before I realized she was ghosting me. Just indifference, nothing worse for me back then.

Without the help of the shrink at the time, whom I saw for a completely different reason, I think I could have messed up a lot more. Having a lack of self-esteem that stuck to my skin. And having a tendency to seek my value in others. The great combo 🙂

She helped me grieve quickly. And to my surprise, I managed to get over it quickly and not go back on it. Normally, I would have stayed and questioned myself personally, what had I, Julie, the person, done wrong? Why suddenly leave me like that? What was wrong with me?

Accept and keep the good memories

Because yes, a friendly breakup hurts just as much as a romantic breakup, as I said above. Because your friends, just like your sweetheart, you choose them, you create a family for yourself. And for me, this person was my family, living alone in Paris, without any friends beforehand when I arrived.

A friendly crush, we did all sorts of mischief together, we traveled around France by car on many weekends, often on impulse. We attended many shows and experienced many beautiful and less beautiful emotions together.

We walked hand in hand through our adult lives…until the point of no return for her.

Today I have beautiful memories of those first years in Paris. Where I felt like I was fully living what I had come looking for: a life at 100 miles an hour, always an activity, an outing to do together, supporting each other in our most down moments and celebrating our little joys.

I think that these kinds of beautiful friendships, obvious ones like these, we don't have many in a lifetime. And you have to cherish them while you have them, because nothing is ever acquired.

I went through all the stages of grief because it is truly one. Even if it is of course symbolic here, the person still being beautiful and well there but now absent from your life.

I wish her today to be fulfilled in her life.

I understood over time that she didn't leave me because of who I was as a person. But that she couldn't have me in her life at that point in hers. I was going through a difficult time and maybe it was too much for her to have to deal with her own problems and thoughts and listen to mine as well. Who knows? Only she has those answers today.

I don't think about her anymore since then. But of course, as soon as I think about my years of life in Paris, she is part of it. Because she contributed to my story, my journey, but I have no resentment.

Nothing stops, it's time to start again

Since my expatriation, I have met many wonderful people. Some have turned into friendships, others into simple acquaintances, but that is the magic of being an expat.

People come and go and your whole social life can be turned upside down and have to start over.

Some friendships don't cross borders once some people return to their own countries.

And I know that nothing is a given. But I am grateful to life for putting me on the path of all these beautiful people. Whether these relationships were fleeting or not.

And then life is good, it often brings you back old friends on the road.

And I experienced it with my current best friend who is an old high school buddy, lost touch for a few years. Then we met again in Paris. Since then, we have never left each other. He remains a landmark and a compass in my sometimes chaotic life 🙂

So nothing is necessarily immutable and that pleases me.

That's life, you'll keep friends all your life but you'll also lose some along the way. And you have to know how to accept that.

And how do you experience the end of your friendships?