How to react to a toxic boss?
Today I am addressing this unfortunately very common subject.
We all know at least one toxic, tyrannical, unpleasant, stressful boss and so on.
As much, I have always been lucky to come across good bosses, with one or two exceptions, but I experienced this scenario in a rather intense way during an internship in Paris a looooong time ago now.
You see The Devil Wears Prada? Remember when Andy Sachs has to scour Manhattan in hopes of obtaining the unpublished manuscript for the final volume in the series? Harry Potter at the request of his tyrannical editor-in-chief?
Well, I totally recognized myself in this poor girl.
I'm preparing an article on this hellish internship for you in the blog soon.
I've grown up since then, as they say, and I have the hindsight to laugh about it now. But believe me, I had never met anyone who could be so vicious and willingly want to put you down for their own personal pleasure.
Anyway... Let's get back to the topic of the day. How exactly should we behave and react when faced with this type of toxic hierarchy (of course I didn't know how to apply this advice to myself at the time, young and impressionable as I was)
Before coming to the possible solutions/aids to deal with it, however, Here is a small anthology of the most common baseness of a toxic manager.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE THIS TYPE OF PROFILE?
- This type of manager has a dual personality. He behaves in a completely charming way with the hierarchy of course or external stakeholders and quite the opposite with the people below him/her.
- The boss belittles his/her employee and/or criticizes him/her incessantly. Sometimes even on more personal aspects of his/her life than those limited to the professional sphere.
- As a good narcissist, he/she values himself/herself, and needs to shine by taking over the work of others to receive praise and thus flatter his/her ego.
- He/she intimidates or manipulates his/her employee according to his/her mood swings. The employee never knows what mood his/her superior will be in, always walking on eggshells.
- Vague instructions are given on purpose to make the employee feel stupid and incompetent. So in case of failure, the employee takes responsibility.
- It often forces you to stay working late at night and work long days. While he can quietly go back to his home whenever he wants.
- Of course, he/she never apologizes.
- Finally, this type of personality is unable to show recognition or give positive points about the work of his/her employee. On the other hand, to constantly point out imperfections, he/she does not hold back.
HOW TO REACT TO THESE ATTITUDES?
Do you have a knot in your stomach, a tight rib cage or feel very anxious when going to work?
Here are some tips to help you keep going and avoid burnout.
- As far as possible of course, limit interactions with him to the bare minimum. Thank you to the telework mode which can save more than one in recent months in this specific case. Indeed, from a distance, it is more complicated to make one's little power reign freely.
- Master/Stay in control of your emotions (I know it's much easier said than done. Especially when you're experiencing it at that moment, or at that moment you just want to either hide and cry in the toilet or control yourself so as not to give him a hard time. To each his own ;-))
But by remaining impassive in the face of her words or actions, this is the worst that can happen to a toxic person, they lose all the power they think they have over their employee. So, speaking the bare minimum and in the most professional way possible without empathy will help you
And above all don't take his remarks personally, without letting yourself be impressed, with as much hindsight as possible.
Don't lose your cool or ever get into a head-on conflict. You will lose every time because he/she is, and will always be, in a position of strength. So if you value your job or can't leave it like that, hold on!
- Seek support from your colleagues, maintain your ties with them. We quickly tend to isolate ourselves when faced with this kind of behavior, but on the contrary, feeling supported is essential. And you will get through your days in a more peaceful way because you will not feel alone.
- Release all your stress, frustration and all the emotions you repress all day long. This can be through activities like sports, going for a run, going out and clearing your mind with friends etc. Your life is not just about work, thank goodness. Filling the other areas of your life will bring that part of your life that you are lacking on a daily basis into the background.
- Above all, do not justify yourself. or get into a big discussion if you're allowed to make an unpleasant remark.
The idea here is to respond in the most disinvested way with phrases like " As you wish ", "it depends" etc. in order to close the discussion. The manager will not have had the desired effect with his little dig and should logically retreat... until the next time.
- Defuse a controlling manager. For example, if you are asked to arrive on time in the morning, then leave on time in the evening. At that point, you must hide behind your employment contract.
In the end, these reactions can be applicable to all toxic personalities around you. And this whether in the professional field or not…. A word to the wise 😉
