The one who always answered "it's fine"... even when it wasn't true
You know that girl.
It might be your colleague, the one who always arrives with a smile and answers «" it's good and you ? "» before you've even finished your question. Maybe it's your best friend, the one who manages everything, all the time, and whom you've never really had to ask if she was okay, because she was always okay. Or maybe, and this is where it gets a little more uncomfortable, it's you.
«" How are you "» It's become your thing. Your reflex. Applicable in all situations without exception: Monday morning, Christmas with the family, unclear medical results, a poorly digested breakup. «" How are you "» It covers everything. You say it so often that you're now bringing it up before even checking if it's true.
If we pay attention, we can decode the variations. Because there are several ways to say «" How's it going "» when things aren't going really well.
There is the «" How's it going "» It's simple, you say, looking at your phone. This one means you're tired in a way you can't really explain. Not tired of anything in particular. Just tired, generally. Like, tired of having a lot on your plate and not many people to really tell. But anyway. «" How are you. "»
There is the «"It's okay, it's okay"» with repetition—that's a signal that everyone ignores, yet everyone understands. No one who's truly well says «" How's it going "» twice. That's the «" How's it going "» who is trying to convince himself. If you hear him, insist. Just one more question. That's often enough to open something up.
There is the «"Yes, yes, everything is fine."» Defensive—that one comes out when the other person notices something. A silence that's a little too long, a smile that doesn't quite ring true. You're not ready to talk about it. Not because you don't want to—because you know that if you start, you'll really have to confront him. So you pass the buck. «" And you ? "»
And then there's the «"Yeah, it's okay."», The accident. The one you hadn't planned on letting slip. The truth that slips out before your head catches up with your mouth. It's the most honest of all. And the one you regret the most, because afterwards you have to deal with the other person's gaze, the one who's figured it all out.
On social media, your "« How's it going "» It takes the form of a well-framed sunset with a caption about small joys and gratitude. What you wanted to post: a blurry photo at 11 p.m. in your pajamas with the caption «"I'm not really sure where I stand at this point."» What you posted: the sunset. Twelve likes. Three hearts. And you replied "« THANKS "» with a smiley face emoji, of course.
How are you.
The thing with you is, what to say «" How's it going "» When things aren't going well, it's become so natural that we've forgotten there's another option. No need to spill everything to the cashier at Monoprix. No two-hour monologue that scares people away. Just sometimes, a «"Meh, a complicated day."» Three words that open a door without forcing it open. That let the other person decide whether to enter or not.
And what happens is unexpected: it gives the other person permission to respond truthfully as well. Suddenly you're no longer two people just passing each other by. You're two people truly talking to each other.
It's rare. It's a bit strange for the first few seconds.
And that's fine.
