Why are we attracted to toxic people?

Have most of your relationships all had one thing in common: making you suffer?

Do you tend to be attracted to people who are sensitive and will hurt you?

Do you tend to give the benefit of the doubt for everything and anything, even the biggest stuff?

If attracting toxic people is a repeating pattern for you, I'm going to focus on why you attract these toxic personalities.

If I had to visualize this type of personality, I would represent it like the character of Vincent Cassel, impressive in the film My King .

So why do you attract these types of profiles?

YOUR PAST WOUNDS RESURRECT, ACTING LIKE A MIRROR

It's very simple to understand. We attract what we are, apparently.

If you have a fear of rejection, you will tend to attract people who are unable to accept others as they are. Thus reinforcing the fear of rejection in others.

If you believe that no one is trustworthy, you will only meet people who will confirm this idea.

So you lock yourself into a vicious circle of limiting beliefs. And by attracting people because of them, you will even strengthen them.

These are the same patterns here that repeat themselves, the same pattern continually.

Johanne Rosenblum, psychologist, explains it very well in the columns of Au Féminin. "What attracts you to this type of atypical, mysterious, authoritarian, dark or toxic personality is also what reminds you of yourself and your history. This is not a coincidence.".

Certainly the person will be different in each new relationship. However, they will also have a different way of coming to hurt you.

YOU ARE SEVERELY LACK OF SELF-ESTEEM AND DON'T KNOW YOUR OWN WORTH

With this great lack of confidence and self-esteem, you are a " prey " ideal.

These people detect a flaw in you that they insert themselves into. All the while turning it against you in a sneaky way.

They are especially looking for people who want to be loved at all costs, who don't know how to say no and BAM!

You want to please everyone, assessing your worth and allowing yourself to exist through the eyes of others.

But it is not by accepting everything from others that you will be loved more.

You condition yourself to love someone who is not right for you.

And then, in the end, your whole life you will evolve with yourself so it's time to start loving yourself (even if it's easy to write I totally agree)

But already being aware of your patterns is a first step towards change.

YOU WANT TO SAVE THE WORLD & YOU ARE A GOOD LISTENER

You are someone who is empathetic, altruistic, caring, with great listening skills.

So these people naturally come to you for these qualities. Coming to seek answers to their questions, heal their wounds, or take advantage of your kindness.

Because these toxic people love to talk about their lives for hours on end. They are therefore attracted to people who are willing to listen to them.

But paradoxically, they can often ignore any advice you can give them. All they want to do is listen to themselves talk about their lives.

This character trait makes you always seek to help those in difficulty. These people will use this to approach you.

So being a good Samaritan is OK, but by protecting yourself and not forgetting yourself.

Because it's definitely not up to you to heal other people's flaws.

With these toxic people, you then find yourself questioning yourself, having doubts about yourself.

“What did I do to deserve this?”

You inevitably blame yourself for not having seen the red flags earlier or for not having listened to your intuition from the start.

So how can we stop this vicious circle?

There are no secrets, there will be things you will have to work on

Through introspection work to be done with the help of a therapist (psychotherapy, hypnosis, sophrology, etc.) or a personal coach for example.

There are all kinds of therapies these days and there is no shame in seeking help. On the contrary, it is healthy to want to move forward in life and get rid of your internal blockages for a life more aligned with what you really want to go towards.

This will help heal your emotional and affective wounds, transform your limiting beliefs. In short, reprogram your brain for a more serene future 😉