People pleaser: who are you when no one is looking?

This seemingly simple question acts like a mirror. It shakes us up. It invites a moment of introspection that we often put off until tomorrow. Because behind it lies a disturbing truth: many of us spend our lives playing the role of people pleaser.

Between the need to please, the fear of rejection, the gaze of others, social or professional obligations... you end up no longer really knowing who you really are.

The social mask: a tool that has become a prison

From childhood, you learn to adapt. To keep quiet so as not to make waves. To smile when you want to cry. To conform to be loved. You learn the codes, imitate, and mold yourself into what you think others expect.

What psychologists call the "social mask" is the face we show the world. The one that reassures, that performs, that gives the impression that you're doing well.

But by wearing this mask, it ends up sticking to your skin. And one day, you no longer know whether you're acting out of desire or reflex. You become a social chameleon. And the more you try to please, the further you move away from yourself.

Being a people pleaser: the trap of "I'm doing well, thanks"

People-pleaser syndrome—the tendency to want to please at all costs, to avoid conflict, to say yes when you mean no—is a sweet poison. It flatters the ego in the short term, but destroys self-esteem in the long term.

Wanting to be loved is human. But seeking constant approval from others is self-erasure. It's constructing your identity through the eyes of others.

And guess what? Even if you try your best to please, you'll never please everyone.

Why are you afraid to be you?

Being yourself, truly, takes courage. Because it means no longer pleasing everyone. Setting boundaries. Saying no. Owning up to your choices, even when they're unpopular. Being vulnerable, too.

But you've been taught that vulnerability is a weakness. That you have to be strong, smooth, and flawless. As a result, you protect yourself with layers, roles, smiles, filters... until you lose yourself completely.

How to find your authenticity again?

🌿 1. Observe your reactions : In what situations do you feel a gap between what you show and what you feel? What do you keep quiet about to avoid disturbing others?

Start by paying attention to those moments when you feel subtle discomfort: when you laugh when you're hurt, when you say "yes" with a knot in your stomach, when you feel "out of place." These shifts are valuable signals. Note them, without judgment. It's in these moments that your true "you" tries to express itself—often in a hushed voice. Observing is the first step toward reconnecting.

🌿 2. Learn to say no : start with small refusals. A “no” said is a “yes” to yourself.

Saying no is setting a healthy boundary. It's not being selfish; it's respecting yourself. Start small: decline an invitation you don't want, refuse a request that exceeds your current energy. You'll see, saying no doesn't necessarily create drama. On the contrary, it's liberating. Every "no" said with kindness is a "yes" to your deepest needs.

🌿 3. Redefine your values : What's important to YOU? Not to your boss, not to your family. To yourself.

Sort it out: What really matters to you? Authenticity comes from aligning with your own values—not inherited ones, not imposed ones. Write them down in black and white: freedom, creativity, justice, gentleness, adventure… It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it speaks to you. Then, ask yourself: Do your current life choices truly reflect these values? If the answer is no, don't panic. You've just found a compass.

🌿 4. Accept being imperfect : authenticity is not about being perfect, it is about being true.

Being authentic isn't about checking every box. It's about owning up to your dark areas, your contradictions, your failures. It's about recognizing that you're not always "Instagrammable," and that's okay. By letting go of the pressure to be perfect, you give the other person permission to do the same. And you open yourself up to truer, more human relationships.

🌿 5. Practice silence : in peace and quiet, away from the gaze of others, your true inner voice can finally express itself.

In the constant noise of everyday life, your inner voice can get lost. Allow yourself moments of calm: a walk without headphones, a few minutes of breathing, a notebook to write without filters. Silence isn't empty; it's full of truths. It's often in this apparent emptiness that what you don't allow yourself to hear is revealed: your desires, your needs, your raw impulses.

What if you got back to basics?

The answer isn't on Instagram, nor on your resume. It's in those moments of silence, of alignment. It's hidden behind every "yes" you reluctantly say, every role you mechanically assume.

It's never too late to take off the mask and stop being a people pleaser.

Because deep down, you don't need to be perfect to be loved. You need to be yourself.