Philophobia or the fear of falling in love

While for some love is synonymous with happiness, for others it is the opposite...

Indeed, from Greek “philosophy” which means "love” and Phobos for "fear”, philophobia is literally the fear of falling in love. While it can be an anxiety about love in general, this anxiety disorder is most often linked to a fear of commitment and romantic feelings.

Let's take a closer look at where this fear might come from, how it manifests itself in everyday life, and, above all, how to try to break free from it.

ITS POSSIBLE ORIGINS

• The loss of a loved one or the divorce of parents can leave deep inner wounds. So, to avoid feeling the pain of losing someone close to them again, these people sometimes adopt a cold and distant attitude.

• People who suffer from philophobia believe that falling in love makes them weak. So, to avoid losing control, they distance themselves from anyone who might arouse intimate emotions in them.

• We live in a world where everything is interchangeable. We want this, that, and now. Patience is gone; we need everything, now. We get bored quickly; technology makes it easier to meet people; people no longer want to waste time.

The philophobe will thus arm himself with defense mechanisms by developing specific symptoms out of fear of abandonment and having his heart broken.

And these are not without consequences, often impacting the life of the person who suffers from them, of course, but also their partners.

ITS SYMPTOMS

• Stubbornly looking for the slightest flaw in their partner

The person who is afraid to love will only find faults in their partner (or invent them).

In this way, she finds her perfect justification for leaving and not going any further in the relationship.

She unconsciously sabotages her relationship because she then thinks it's best for her.

• Already planning the end of his story

With his very marked fear of abandonment, the philophobe convinces himself that this relationship has no future and is heading for ruin, even before having really tried anything.
He doesn't make any plans or plans for the future because he is convinced that it won't last, so he protects himself.

• Take some distance

When the relationship becomes more serious, he may suddenly withdraw by no longer responding to messages or by no longer investing in the relationship.

This protection technique helps him cope with a partner who becomes increasingly attached to him.

• Trying to control everything

If there's one thing in life you can't control, it's your feelings.

The philophobe abhors this question of letting go.

He doesn't improvise, he organizes everything, and he continues to move forward tentatively in his relationship. He never lets himself be carried away at any moment.

• Provoke arguments

His insecurity makes him seek reassurance and can quickly become stifling for a partner, often even creating arguments linked to jealousy.

This is done unconsciously to tire the other person, so that the latter ends the relationship on their own and thus proves them right.

Flight is common in this type of fear.

• Seeking impossible relationships, not good for him

The philophobe will often tend to only go towards people, partner profiles with whom he has no chance of a common future.

He will then convince himself that if the relationship did not work, it is because the relationship was impossible.

It's a pattern we tend to repeat. Being attracted to bad profiles, narcissistic perverts, married men, bad boys, etc.

As long as this pattern is not identified and reprogrammed, the philophobe will continue to search and be attracted only to these bad profiles for him.

• Possible physical reactions

In some cases, philophobia causes physical effects such as:

• Intense feeling of panic, breathing problems and nausea
• Sweats a lot and has difficulty functioning normally
• Avoid all intimate situations in the most acute cases. While sex may be acceptable to these people, love is not.

HOW TO OVERCOME THIS FEAR?

Of course, we must first understand this type of fear, philophobia, and why we have it.

Take an interest in your past relationships, define your pattern in all these relationships, your limiting belief that dominates these behaviors.

Relive these relationships.

Do you remember experiencing problems during one of these relationships, especially with a high school sweetheart? If you broke up, what was the reason for your breakup? 

Are you afraid of being loved or of being hurt or of hurting someone?

Regaining self-confidence is obviously essential, even if it doesn't happen overnight.

Try to be more vulnerable because to love is to let down your guard and be less suspicious, which is essential to being more comfortable in love.

There are then different types of therapies to help you in depth to treat philophobia:

A cognitive therapy : This therapy will allow you to identify and understand the mental process that causes you to be afraid. The therapist will then help you practice techniques to overcome this mental process and replace it with another that will be more beneficial to you.

For example, what if your romantic relationship didn't work out? Very often, we tend to magnify problems in our heads. So, when we have the opportunity to articulate the real consequences, we realize that ultimately a breakup (in the current scenario) is not the end of the world. It's simply the end of the relationship, not of your life or your ability to love or be loved.

A affective desensitization therapy : the patient is exposed to the object or situation of his fear, in this case romantic relationships, in order to desensitize him. Technology is sometimes used to simulate interactions, this helps prepare the patient for situations that may occur in real life.

There NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) or thehypnotherapy

Finally, a lifestyle change can be an effective way to combat your fear. Relaxation techniques, exercises to learn how to control your emotions, and visualization strategies can be useful methods to combat your philophobia.