The one who wanted to let go... without losing control

Welcome to “Almost No Filter”, the podcast where I share my almost-forty-something chronicles, between life reflections, daily struggles and small realizations. Here, we talk about everything that is part of our journey: the ups, the downs, the doubts, and even the moments when we feel like we've got it all wrong. The goal? To be as honest as possible with ourselves and with you, without filter or pretension. Because we're all a bit in the same boat, trying to understand what makes us move forward, or sometimes what makes us go round in circles. So, relax and let yourself be carried away. Let's go!

You wanted to let go. Yes, really. But you had it all planned out. Because letting go is something you learn, right? So you had your little routine: tidy the apartment, answer all the overdue emails, plan the week's meals, check the bills... and only then... try to relax. Because you can't let go if everything is a mess.

You've even tried evening meditation. Dim lighting, a cushion, a few scented candles, and the app that promises serenity in 7 minutes. You sit cross-legged, breathe deeply... and start controlling your breathing. Not just breathing, no. Inhaling too quickly? Too slowly? How many seconds exactly? Are you doing it right? Are you more zen?

After a few minutes, you think about tomorrow's to-do list, the groceries you don't want to forget, the laundry you need to fold... And then, magic: the serenity disappears. You get up to check that nothing is missing from the fridge, you sit down again, then you get up to take a look at the cat.

Because letting go in everyday life is hard. It's accepting that the package won't arrive on time or that the bus is late... and that you can't control everything. But you try. Oh yes, you try. Every move, every thought, every breath is planned and analyzed. As if letting go came with an instruction manual and an Excel spreadsheet to tick off all the steps.

At the end of the day, you finally go to bed, exhausted, but with a small smile. Because you've done your best to let go, even if your brain insists on remaining the conductor. And you realize that in truth, letting go isn't a perfect state, but a small step at a time: smiling at a forgotten bill, the bus passing in front of you, or even… breathing, even if it's done poorly.

And sometimes, just sometimes, in letting go of control, you find a little peace. Enough to turn off the light, close your eyes, and think: “Tomorrow we'll see. And that will be enough.”